When celibacy makes you lose touch with your sensuality

Here we go, another blog not super easy to write about but definitely needed, as sometimes it feels great to put words on paper! Today, it is my turn (Fanny) to write about some inner battles that have been happening for quite a while.

I have been sick for a week now, nothing serious, but it is making me feel sad, vulnerable, and weak. And you know how it goes, when we feel low, we have the tendency to think about the past. So lately I keep thinking of the decision I took 2 years and half ago to celibate, but most importantly the consequences of that decision.

His words were the last straw!

In October 2021, I was dating this guy, and one night while we were being intimate, he said to me:

“You are so thin, I could break you!”

Yeah, who says this kind of things, especially while being intimate with someone, right? You will be surprised on how many times men have said shitty things to me. I was shocked and preferred to ignore his comment, but this sentence stuck to my mind (two years later, I am still thinking about it). It was hard for me to hear this as when I was younger I was bullied in middle school for being a small body person. And even though I became more resilient with time against this type of comments, sometimes it still hurts. Especially when I am in a vulnerable moment. But I guess it was the extra push I needed in order to change a few things about my relationships.

Even if I have been lucky to never be in an abusive relationship, my relationship with men has always been complicated: I have been cheated on (classic!), ghosted, lied to so many times, told awful comments... I was also in a 4 years relationship where my partner was secretly keeping track of our sexuality on an Excel spreadsheet. So romantic, isn’t it?

I never seemed to attract the right type of man, but I believe that I was unconsciously attracting what I was looking for. I have always been afraid of commitment, and never really trusted my partners. So self-sabotaging by being with the wrong people was easy!

The change I needed, and it felt great…

After that comment, my body and sexuality shut done instinctively, and I was over men and dating. My libido left the country! Celibating became surprisingly very natural, and I honestly I didn’t plan it to last that long.

The first year felt amazing, and it created so many positive changes in my way of being! I have always been a sexual and sensual person. That sensuality felt like it was my whole personality, from the way I was dressing up to my way of interacting with people, and the energy I was putting out there. But when I took the decision to remove sex from my life, my sensuality disappeared too as it felt like I didn’t need it anymore:

• I changed my wardrobe, prioritizing long and comfy over of short and tight.

• I started to see men as potential friends instead of potential lovers, which changed the way I was interacting with them.

• My body language changed too, became more chill than seductive.

I never realized the amount of energy it took to be my past seductive-self, so focusing on a different part of my personality made me feel lighter. Opening Scandaleuse Photgraphy with Juliette and being a boudoir photographer helped me a lot with body acceptance and increasing my confidence level. But going into celibacy felt like it was the next step I needed in my personal development journey.

… until it didn’t anymore!

Unfortunately, I took it too far without even noticing (with every transformation comes its opposite effect). Since in the past I was using my body to seduce, the fact I shut down my sensuality made me fall into body neutrality and I now feel completely disconnected from it. When I look at myself in the mirror, I can tell I am a pretty woman and I like what I see but in a neutral way. I am able to tell myself there is nothing wrong with my body, but I don’t feel that proudness of looking good anymore. When I think of my body, I feel out of it!

To a point where it is becoming hard to like pictures of myself as I don’t feel impressed. The last time Juliette and I took some boudoir photographs of ourselves for marketing purpose, I was really harsh with myself. And yesterday, when I was looking for a picture of me to illustrate this blog, I cried at my past photographs because I miss the feeling of looking at a photo and being able to tell myself: “Damn, I look hot!”.

On top of that, the idea of being intimate with someone again scares me. This body neutrality has decreased my self-love level and makes me feel less confident and less seductive. Instead of taking a break like I initially wanted, I unintentionally shut down my heart to love others, in a way also to myself, and created a fear I never had before.

I have thought in the past that being sensual was maybe an act, a mask I was putting on to make myself seem more interesting to others, but I was so wrong. Sensuality is part of me, it’s the fire that I need to keep LOVING. Without it, I don’t recognize myself, so it is time to find it back!

Boudoir photography to the rescue!

And the best tool for that is a boudoir shoot to help me reappropriate my body and let my sensuality shine again. Even if we take some photos of ourselves for the business, doing a shoot just for me is a different experience. Boudoir has this therapeutic power that really helps you regain confidence. During the shoot you get the opportunity to wear outfits that make you feel like your most badass-self, you pose in ways that are very flattering for your body, and you get the opportunity to express all your personalities.

Definitively a powerful and transformative experience!

Even if I do not recognize myself lately, I do not regret the decision to celibate because it happened so naturally. This has taught me a lot about myself, and it is the best way to grow!

I am so grateful Juliette and I can self-reflect by writing when we feel like it. We believe that there is no shame in sharing about your personal journeys, and it is a great way to spread awareness on issues others might be dealing with too.

We wanted to thank everyone from our community for being supportive and listening (in this case reading) to what we have to say 💛. Let us know in comments if you can relate to this or if it has happened to you in the past (or any thoughts you have when reading this story)!

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How boudoir shoots increased our confidence on every level

Since we opened Scandaleuse, both of us have been posing in boudoir settings for many reasons. To know what it actually feels like, to have content to share with our community, to be creative… But we often forget to talk about how it actually changed us too. There is definitely a before boudoir and after boudoir, even for us.

The expectations VS reality of boudoir.

Boudoir is usually thought as something you do for someone, likely a partner. People get in the mindset that they have to illustrate somebody else's fantasy, only to benefit them. We don't agree with that.

Boudoir should be done for yourself first. It's a way to get quality time with yourself, reclaim your body, see it in a new light. It's a chance to just exist without judgement and expectations. And it comes with long lasting effects you wouldn't know until you try. Even ourselves didn't know that before stepping in front of the lens. We have now been posing for 5 years and can confidently share all of the beautiful changes boudoir have done for us.

The given: we feel beautiful.

There is a lot of power behind feeling beautiful. A new energy emanates out of you, everything around you just feels lighter. It already feels wonderful in a regular setting but imagine feeling beautiful without your clothes on, which we aren't told to even think about. Now that's unlocking the next level of feel good vibes for sure!

The removal of negative body vision.

Rare are the ones who can tell they absolutely love their bodies. And who can blame us? We grow up naturally comparing ourselves to others and to beauty standards shaped by society. When something is not considered “beautiful", we are told to either hide it or to work hard to improve it. It is very easy to end up with a very negative vision of our appearance that follows us for years. For many of us, it even turns into body-dysmorphia.

Seeing our bodies repeatedly on photos without clothes on showed us what our bodies actually look like, and that is far away from what the crappy vision we had.

Don't get us wrong, it was scary at first, even for us. But what a slap in the face it was to see our bodies in an objective light. Turns out our "flaws” were not that flawed.

We are not afraid of our "sexy” sides anymore.

If you were to ask us 10 years ago if we thought we were sexy, we would have awkwardly laughed and say absolutely not. It was just inconceivable to even think it. Another prejudice we deal with: wanting to feel sexy, while being completely natural, is "wrong” so we just avoid it.

Doing boudoir photoshoots showed us that:

1. Feeling sexy comes in many many ways, very few of them are even being related to sex and none of them are related to pleasing someone else.

2. There is SO much power behind this feeling. Looking at our boudoir photos make us feel strong and badass as hell.

3. We had been severely missing out on it.

Deconstructing the shame around something leads to turning it into confidence. And that works for anything.

What about the impact on the confidence then?

Tapping into all of these points has led us to a pretty rock solid confidence in ways we didn't even imagine:

• Reclaiming our bodies made us shut down the negative voices of our surroundings and instead focus on what WE feel good in and show it.

• Boudoir has successfully and positively forced us out of our comfort zone. This made it a lot less scary to try other experiences like that we didn't think we would ever try.

• Doing something that is considered shameful or frown upon by many and, again, ending up having a wonderful outcome has not only removed a lot of our fears but also comforted us in all of our choices afterwards. Even when people disagreed, even if it was unconventional. We just realized we were a lot strong than we thought.

After all, isn't confidence about having a "no fucks given” energy?

We went from shy, insecure beings to free, empowered and proudly sensual women. To this day, we use our boudoir shoot as reminders when we feel down or discouraged. These versions of ourselves were always there, they were just quiet and hard to uncover. Now, we hold on to them tight and cherish them.

And you should too. Set yours free and let it shine.

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The social aspect of boudoir photography

Juliette and I have never been part of those people who work only for money and security. We need our work to follow our personal values, and we want to contribute to make positive changes in our society. We are not saying we are changing the world but on our level we are creating positive impacts in our clients’ life, and we try as much as possible to spread awareness on social issues we care about.

Boudoir photography is our way to do so!

Such a transformative experience

When we opened Scandaleuse Photography 6 years ago, we wanted to showcase the beauty of the woman body in an artistic way. We build a community and stayed in touch with our Scandals. We were amazed to hear and read what our past clients were saying about their experience with us and how transformative the shoots were for them. Some of them told us they ended up toxic relationships, others quitted their job they did not like anymore… Witnessing those people changing their life because posing half naked in front of our lenses gave them the courage to do so, is a true honour for us and it gives us a feeling of purpose.

If you never try boudoir photography, it might be difficult to understand how a shoot can help someone feel more confident in their life to a point where it makes drastic changes. Let us explain:

Boudoir photography is not like any other type of photography (at least, the way we do it). It is rare to meet people who feel 100% confident in their own skin and who accept their body fully the way it is. Most of our clients are first timers, and the idea of posing in lingerie (or naked) in front of photographers can be nerve wracking for them. It takes a lot of courage to make yourself vulnerable and try something new that makes you feel nervous. So when you finally do a boudoir shoot, feel good showing your body in front of people you don’t know, and find yourself beautiful in those pictures, this experience gives you the wings to keep pushing yourself to do other scary things.

We like to stay that once you strip down in front of two strangers, nothing else in life can stop you 🔥.

People’s backgrounds & stories

Being boudoir photographers also gives us the chance to meet incredible people who are going through tough times in their life.

Some of our clients were in abusive relationships that completely destroyed them and they were looking for ways to build back their confidence and reappropriate their body. We work with transgender people who are fighting to exist in the gender they wished they were born with, when society doesn’t make it easy for them. We had clients who are dealing with breast cancer and wanted to immortalise their body before it changes. Few years ago we took pictures of a woman who was in a wheelchair, and wanted to celebrate herself and showcase that even if you are disable you are still a sensual human being.

Listening to so many life stories and seeing our clients fighting so many battles makes our work as boudoir photographers reach another level that we truly love. It is not about just taking beautiful pictures but helping people feel amazing about themselves.

This social side of boudoir photography makes our boudoir photography business so important to us, and we cannot wait to see where it will take us!

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The best props we have seen on boudoir shoots

Contrary to popular beliefs, boudoir photography is extremely versatile. It can be far from the classic bed photos in black & white. To us, boudoir is THE way to express yourself and make you feel sexy the way YOU want.

For some of us, feeling confident and sexy may involve a traditional set of lingerie. But to others, it is not what rocks their boats.

Over the past few years, we have seen many people beautifully bringing their own twists to their shoots to be the most badass versions of themselves and feel comfortable. Here are the most memorable props or themes they brought to the table, for our greatest pleasure!

Cosplay Outfits

My goodness, did we have a blast with this one! The essence of our work is anything badass so how could not be excited when Cin pulled out their homemade cosplay armor and cape!?

We remember them feeling a bit odd to bring those initially, but our very obvious excitement quickly turned those feelings into pure fun. Cosplay is a big part of Cin's life, it was a beautiful way to embrace it fully and look a like superhero.

Themed props

Sometimes, focusing on bringing specific props for a specific theme can really help you feel more comfortable posing. It makes you feel like you are playing a slightly different version of you, and just this can take the pressure off your shoulders. We have seen for example pin-up or other vintage outfits, which turn out stunning on photos and make us shoot in a different way as well. Themed props are also fantastic to make a special occasion, like a birthday or anniversary, just like Lily did for her session.

Glamorous Gowns

Why keep something simple when you can go extra? Alex brought to light a hot pink tulle gown that would make you wonder if you are not a nonchalant goddess in a vintage movie. (sigh)

Since her session, we actually came across our new partner, Great North Gowns, who is renting those stunning gowns for photoshoots, so you can still enjoy the glam but not have it drown your closet! We couldn't help but try ourselves and swimming in an ocean of tulle was magical. Definitely recommend!

Pets!

Yes, you read that right, you can bring your furry companions! We LOVE having pets on shoots, because a) they make you feel at home and b) we get to sneak some cuddles.

We have yet to see a husky to have a wolf like shoot, just throwing it out there!

Kitchen props

For many people, getting in front of a camera in such a vulnerable context is challenging. That's why we encourage creating little stories about what you love doing and incorporate that in your shoot. Many of our clients are cooking aficionados and we really loved making this part of themselves shine through boudoir.

Anything related to a passion

Let's be honest: chances are whatever you do as a hobby makes you feel badass. It's probably one of the main reasons you're even doing it.

So why not bring those to give yourself an extra layer of confidence? We have photographed people with roller skates, pleasers, guitars, bikes, magic cards, all of those with a boudoir twist!

Food & Drinks

That might surprise you, but we have done a LOT of sessions involving fake or real alcohol. Not only can it ease your nerves (moderately of course!) but we can all admit we feel like a million bucks all dolled up and holding a glass of champagne or whisky. Bringing food can also be a great way to contribute to creating little scenarios around your session.

As you can see see, a boudoir shoot is truly a creative opportunity to shine as yourself. Don't worry about "fitting in" or copying traditional photos, it is a lot more fun to bring out what makes you YOU. We are looking forward to seeing what you will bring to the table and capture it all!

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We opened our first studio

Back in 2017, two little French women decided to leave their full-time jobs in Toronto to start what had been a dream for many years: open their own boudoir photography business. Filled with ambition and willpower, they've given it everything and have built the small empire brick by brick, hoping to, one day, reach their next dream: having their own studio.

Now in 2024, we are very proud to say that we have finally started this adventure and now have our home away from home.

What were we doing before?

You are not without knowing that the renting market in Toronto is getting worse every day. Back in 2017, it was already the case and definitely out of reach for a sprouting business. Since we couldn’t afford our space, we were just renting multiple ones on a shoot by shoot basis.

We are not going to lie, it was pretty neat and we are keeping this option available to us even now. It's been a great way for us to keep our creativity up high, to adapt to our clients’ vision and just enjoy somebody else's place.

But after 7 years of business and 11 in Canada, we grew tired of not finding our own vibe.

Combining missing home and our new adventure

It took us a good 6 months to gather the courage to venture in the commercial rental world. Having the same business model for so long made us feel comfortable and safe but also… bored. During the summer of 2023, it was pretty clear both of us had lost our spark and we needed to find it again.

Funny enough, we had some rough ideas of the layout of the studio we initially wanted: open concept, bricks and beams, industrial… But when we actually visited the one we are in now, a completely different vision just manifested itself. Scrap it all, we are going to create multiple rooms with a strong, authentic, Parisian aesthetic. And we made it happen.

If you don't know it already, we are both originally from France. While we love the life we’ve built in Canada for the past decade, we were getting to a point where our homesick episodes were sneakily showing up more often than not. We'd been missing our roots and its aesthetics for a while and having this space to remind us of home has been a blast so far.

Creating your own space VS renting different ones

Yes, we have only had our space for only a few months, but already, the perks we have noticed are pretty amazing.

1) The freedom to transform the space the way we want to.

We have created 3 different rooms and 3 different vibes, and we didn't have to depend on somebody else's vision.

2) Nobody is living in it, so it is fully adapted for creators.

The majority spaces we used to rent were real people's lofts, so naturally, they have their lives in it and plenty of not-so-pretty things, like every living space has.

3) No more worrying about finding the right place at the right time.

It was always quite a stressful aspect of our job: our clients have a limited schedule and lofts get booked often. As if this wasn't challenging enough, we've also had a couple of nightmare situations when the landlords “forgot” we were coming and ghosted us when we were at the door with our clients.

4) We can make a mess!

We didn't expect this to be such a perk, but before, we obviously had to put the place back exactly the way we found it, so we were juggling between shooting and cleaning up as we went. On our space, we have all the time in the world to put it back together afterwards, which allowed us to extend our time with our beloved clients.

5) We can rent it out to other creators

This is a freshly new endeavour we’ve taken: our beautiful apartment is available to rent by the hour for any type of creators! It's so cool to be able to give what we were given for so long.

What about the downsides?

With every new adventure comes some uncomfortable feelings and not-so-fun aspects. Fortunately, we only see a few downsides compared to our previous ways.

1) The rent.

Of course, we now have an official extra rent on top of our personal ones and let me tell you, that's a good pressure on our shoulders. It's not just about sustaining ourselves anymore and it's the first time we've had to deal with this. To make a business grow, you have to take some risks, but it doesn't stop the fear it brings.

2) The possibility of getting bored…?

Being used to shoot in different spaces, we considered before taking on this project that, maybe, we would get tired of our space. Now, of course it is too soon to tell, but even so, we feel it will be very easy to counter, as we have the freedom to do whatever the hell we want.

Hopefully it stays this way (and hopefully we can pay rent ha!). We are very excited to share more with you about this beautiful space and how our vision came to be. Stay tuned…

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5 tips to get ready for your boudoir shoot

You gathered your courage and finally booked your boudoir shoot? Yay, congrats!
So… now what? Do you just wait until your date and wing it?
Well, you can, but you can also do a few simple things to make the most out of this experience and enjoy it even more.

The shoot itself is an amazing experience, but preparing for it is also so much fun! It IS really nice to think about your outfits, your vibe, your looks.. It builds up the excitement, gives you some butterflies… All of the good stuff!

So, if you are looking for those butterflies and are not sure where to start, here are 5 simple ways to get ready for your boudoir session:

1) Look online for inspiration

Chances are, you probably did that before even inquiring, but if so, keep adding to it and if not, time to get some Pinterest out of you! Grab a glass of wine and get browsing! Search what boudoir means to you, think about some atmospheres, themes, poses and lighting you like and pin away! Not only it is a super fun process, but it is helpful for us as well as photographers to know what makes your heart sing.

Extra tip: Don’t worry about finding people who look like you, this is a vibe we are looking for, not photos to copy and paste. Try to ignore the poses as well, a lot of the ones we find online are performed by super bendy people and often edited in post.

2) Start working on your posture

Yep, time to straighten that back! Not only for aesthetic reasons, but also because adjusting your posture makes you stand tall and brings up confidence. Boudoir is all about making that confidence shine, so let's take it everywhere we can!

Extra tip: No need to overthink it, simply practice bringing your shoulder blades closer together and picture a thread pulling you from the top of your head. Et voilà!

3) Plan your outfits

Oh this is a goodie. Contrary to popular beliefs, you don't necessarily need to wear standard lingerie for your boudoir shoot. If anything, we are more looking for outfits you feel amazing and beautiful in, as it is very easy to bring a boudoir twist to clothes.

Any outfits can be turned into a boudoir one. What matters is what makes you feel like YOU. That's what we want to capture. So if you want to rock some lace, by all means, go for it, but if you are feeling more of a joggers/loose t-shirt vibe, then it is awesome too! Have fun with it!

Extra tip: Plan a solid top 3 of your favourite outfits and bring extra, even some bits and pieces you aren't sure to do what with. Chances are we may see something you haven't. If you need more inspiration, we wrote a blog post about the 5 best props we've seen on shoots, you can read it here.

4) Practice in the mirror

With you have a full length mirror at home, it is time to put it to use! Take a moment to try on your outfits, see what poses you like, check what your favourite parts of your body are and even if you have a preferred side. This little exercise, especially if boudoir is a bit challenging for you, will only make your session easier.

If you feel like you would just be hard on yourself, then ditch this step, focus on the others and just follow our lead the day of. For some of us, it can be difficult to face ourselves and keep it positive and that's okay. We will do it for you!

Extra tip: we have a complete online guide to experiment with boudoir at home and its costs is 100% redeemable on your boudoir session or package.

5) Prep a playlist

It is no secret that music leads the mood. It helps you relax and makes you feel like the main character in your story! All of our lofts have speakers ready to connect with your device, so have fun creating a playlist that makes you feel like the badass and sexy being you are!

Extra tip: check out our Scandaleuse playlist on Spotify! We have a bit of everything to get those good vibes out of you

Now you have all the tools you need to get beautiful ready for your boudoir shoot! Enjoy the pre-shoot process as much as you can, it is a big part of your experience, it would be a shame to miss out on it!

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5 fears stopping you from doing a boudoir shoot

A boudoir photoshoot is a powerful experience, way beyond pretty photos. It's an opportunity to boost your confidence, reconnect with yourself and give yourself well-deserverd quality time. But it is a vulnerable experience and it feels quite intimidating for many of you.

Let's dive in and debunk the 5 most common fears that might stop you for treating yourself to a boudoir shoot.

Fear #1: You don't have the "right” body.

Being surrounded by unachievable beauty standards in the media and social media making it incredibly easy to compare yourself to others, this is not a surprise that many of us think we would need to look a certain way in order to pose without clothes on. Too fat, too thin, not this enough, too much there, it is hard not to get lost in it! But that's exactly why boudoir is needed: to put an end all of this bullshit.

There is no right body. There are just bodies. They come in all shape and sizes and one kind isn't better than the other. Yours is great the way it is, because it is yours. It's been supporting you for many years and deserve some love and recognition for doing so. Wrinkles, stretch marks, scars, they all tell a story: your story. And that’s good enough.

And no, you don't need to lose weight before a photoshoot!

We actually don't recommend changing your body before a session, especially short-term. Otherwise, you risk looking back at those photos months later feeling like it is not you and that's the opposite of what we want! We want you to see your photos as a reminder of how beautiful you are with the body you have, and to remind you of this great confidence you have. That kind of magic stays forever!

Fear #2: Not feeling like a "sexy" person.

Again, we have been conditioned to think that it means one thing and one thing only: to provoke desire for somebody else (usually, for the male gaze…). Some things are sexy and some things aren't and that is it.

Well… it isn't. Being sexy is a feeling first, not a look, and it comes in many ways. It's an energy that makes you feel confident, badass, and sensual and there isn't any ultimate definition for any of these. You can feel sexy changing a lightbulb or wearing fancy lingerie.

Since it is such a versatile feeling, everybody can be sexy. You can make it your own so easily, don't be afraid to tap into it!

Fear #3: Not knowing how to pose.

Wait, you mean you don't know how to pose accordingly in a photography concept you've never tried before? How dare you!

Of course you don't know, and your photographer shouldn't expect you to! It's already hard enough to pose for simple family photos as it is! A good photographer will guide you through every pose and set. You shouldn't even have to think about it. All of our clients are first-timers, and it is part of our job to guide them to highlight their body and beauty during a session, not theirs.

Fear #4: Not feeling like yourself.

In traditional boudoir, some sort of lingerie is often involved. Well, we don't believe in tradition so it opens a lot more doors.

What you should think of when thinking of outfits is what you feel good in first. What outfit makes you feel confident? Beautiful? What are those pieces you got that made your heart skip a beat that you haven't gathered the courage to wear yet?

That's what we are looking for. A boudoir twist is very easily applicable on any oufits.

Of course a classic set of lingerie is an option but you can think outside the box and go for example with:

• Bodysuits of any kind;

• Jeans, joggers, overalls;

• Cosplay and themed outfits

• Loose tshirt, sweaters;

• Dresses of any kind, robes, outfits rated as "too much”;

• And much more as you can see here!

Fear #5: Where will those photos end up?

This one isn't related to body and mindset, but yet oh-so important: what happens to the photos afterwards?

Some people don't care at all using their photos online, but for the majority of people, having those photos around somehow is just not an option. In our case, this is a decision you let us know before we even book anything, and we just put it in writing and follow your lead. Our photos are delivered via a private gallery that you can delete afterwards on your end. We have had also many people asking us to delete the images from our hard-drives once the session was completed, and we just… do it. Don’t hesitate to ask questions prior to booking anything and if they aren't answered clearly, this is a red flag.

Everyone should try boudoir photography at least once in their life. There is a before and an after in this adventure, with many more perks that you wouldn't even think of. Take the leap, challenge yourself and you won't regret it.

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Badass Female Photographers - Diane Arbus

Hello Scandals! We are very excited about this new category we created for our blog posts: Badass Female Photographers. The idea is to write several blogs about those female photographers (well known or forgotten by history) who shaped the world of photography.

We are businesswomen, but first and foremost we are artists, so creating this blog series takes us back to photography school and satisfies the artist within us!

For this first blog, let us introduce you to Diane Arbus 📸

We used the following sources for the facts stated in this blog: Wikipedia, Arts Help, and The Art Story.

Diane Arbus holds her 1962 photograph: Child with toy in Central Park.

She was an American photographer who was famous for her incredible B&W and intimate portraits of marginalized communities. I, Fanny, personally love her work (it is my dream to, one day, buy one of her photograph). From the moment I discovered her art, I got fascinated and inspired by her artistic vision and images! What I find incredible about her work is the fact that she dared to move away from social barriers and prejudices in order to document the life of those who were called “freaks” (people with dwarfism, circus performers, giants, gender non-conforming people…).

"She was fascinated by people who were visibly creating their own identities—cross-dressers, nudists, sideshow performers, tattooed men, the nouveaux riches, the movie-star fans, and by those who were trapped in a uniform that no longer provided any security or comfort." - Arthur Lubow.

Her work strongly influenced the way our world perceives people who don’t conform to our society’s standards and the importance of a proper representation of all people.

Tell me more about her!

Diane Arbus (born as Diane Nemerov) was born in 1923 in New York City.

She grew up in a wealthy family but was raised by maids and governesses since her parents were not deeply involved in raising her, nor her siblings (Diane's mother struggled with bouts of depression preventing her from intellectually supporting her daughter, while her father stayed busy with work). This lack of parenting pushed her to try separating herself from her family.

How did she become a photographer?

At the age of 18 she married Allan Arbus, who she was dating since the age of 14. Allan was working in the advertising department of Diane’s father’s fur shop, and he was the one who gifted Diane her first camera shortly after their marriage. With her husband, they opened their fashion photography studio in which Allan was the photographer and Diane the art director (she would come up with the concepts for their shoots and then take care of the models). She eventually grew tired of the unfulfilling commercial work and, with the support of her husband, end up starting her career as a solo photographer.

The main event in her life that triggered her curiosity for photography was her pregnancy with her first daughter, Doon, that she chronicled in 1945. She also took some photography classes with two famous female photographers (that we will also cover in the blog series) : Berenice Abbott and Lisette Model.

Diane Arbus - 1945 Double Self-Portrait with Infant Daughter, Doon.

The evolution of her art.

She started her portraits journey by wandering the streets of New York’s and taking pictures of strangers, stolen moments her subjects did not expect. She kept her distance at first, not meeting eyes with her models.

But rapidly, Diane felt compelled to get closer to the people she photographed, and focus on the one living an unconventional life. She would befriend her subjects, connect to them in a unique way, and photographed them in intimate settings such as their homes. The power of her images, beside the subjects themselves, is the fact that she would make them look directly at the camera and being the centre of each photograph.

“As her works evolve her subjects begin to knowingly face the camera, her photographs become almost provocative with vulnerability. Her subjects are emotionally exposed to the point of nakedness, their eyes staring directly into the camera.” - Kaiya Malik.

Many have thought that her work was an extension of her childhood and personal suffering, feeling oppressed and like a social outcast within her own community!

A controversial photographer!

Diane Arbus - The Albino sword swallower and her sister, Md.

Diane Arbus received a lot of critics, either positive or negative. Some people, like me, were fascinated by the choice of the models and her approach, seeing her art as a way to show marginalized groups as humans instead of “freaks”.

But not everyone would agree with her vision. Some people would see her work as something perverse, she would be called a “voyeur” by some critics, while others would doubt the fact she viewed her subjects as social equals. She was seen as a free-spirit (which wasn’t a compliment at that time) and got a reputation that she was sleeping with some of her models.

Her battle with depression.

Diane Arbus experienced "depressive episodes" during her life, similar to those experienced by her mother, and committed suicide at the age of 48 (1971), by ingesting barbiturates and cutting her wrists with a razor. She wrote the words "Last Supper" in her diary and placed her appointment book on the stairs leading up to the bathroom, her body was found two days later.

"I go up and down a lot. Maybe I've always been like that. Partly what happens though is I get filled with energy and joy and I begin lots of things or think about what I want to do and get all breathless with excitement and then quite suddenly either through tiredness or a disappointment or something more mysterious the energy vanishes, leaving me harassed, swamped, distraught, frightened by the very things I thought I was so eager for! I'm sure this is quite classic." - Diane Arbus ( letter wrote to a friend in 1968).

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5 reasons to do a boudoir shoot you wouldn't think of.

Many traditional reasons come to mind when thinking of doing a boudoir session. Offering the photos as a gift for a special someone, celebrating a milestone, challenging yourself in lingerie… All of these are very valid reasons, but today, we wanted to share extra ones you may have never thought of.

1) Getting to see yourself as Art.

Let's be honest, getting images of yourself you are in love with is hard. We are definitely our worst critique, and are not shy to talk down to ourselves. When we do find said photo, it becomes the only one we refer to when needed.

While you should get some photos you like during a professional photoshoot, we think a boudoir photography session - when done properly and with the right photographers 😉 - gives you way more than that.

You are dealing with actual artists. People who will see beyond your physical appearance, who won't even notice anything you are insecure about and will create a whole concept, light, set around who you are to, finally, translate it all in actual art pieces. When done right, you will end up with images you will want to stare at forever.

2) The long lasting effect on your confidence

One of the biggest reason to do a boudoir shoot is to increase your confidence. But what people don't know is that this confident boost is not showing only during the photoshoot: it sticks with you for a long time afterwards.

The confidence brought out during a boudoir photoshoot will shine on many other areas of your life. You will stand taller. You will dare to do more things, take more room, make bigger decisions. It replenishes your self-trust, and god knows we can all use a layer of that.

3) Bringing light on sides of yourself that don't get to shine often

Between adapting ourselves to others, fighting our own insecurities, dealing with beauty standards, not daring to wear what we want, our brains are polluted with restrictions we apply to ourselves. During a boudoir shoot, you can just let go of all of these and have fun exploring and bringing out those sides of yourself.

Feeling like wearing a sexy cocktail dress while holding a glass of whisky despite living your every day life in corporate outfits? Go for it. Do you want to wear a victorian tulle robe just for the hell of it? Yes please. What about that badass harness you would never dare wearing in public? Bring it.

A boudoir photoshoot is a judgement free zone. If anything, it is encouraged to be creative and more importantly: be extra.

Give yourself a chance to be sensual, to try different looks and illustrate the different facets of your personality!

4) For fun and quality time with yourself.

Since boudoir can feel vulnerable and intimidating, it is very easy to forget that it is actually fun. For a couple of hours, no one is asking anything from you besides just letting loose, and that's REFRESHING.

5) Help a great cause

Last but definitely not least: you can actually make a difference in a specific cause, by picking a specific photographer.

We have the best example to give you at the moment: for the whole month of October, we are giving 10% off our session fee and donating a portion of the proceeds to the Pink Ribbon Boutique, a store that specializes in prosthetics and lingerie for breast cancer survivors.

If you were looking for one last push before booking a shoot for yourself, know that you can help a breast cancer survivor purchase a prosthetic with your booking.

Follow this link for details or click on the button below!

You are always worthy of respect

Disclaimer: we will be chatting about being true to who you are and standing up for yourself in this post. Needless to say, we are not referring to any behaviours involving harming yourself or other people.

Respect is a must to give, but also to receive!

Why do people lose respect for others to begin with?

Because they don't share the same values or standards. Of course, if we are talking about racism, slut-shaming, sexism and everything else falling into the hatred & discrimation category, this is a different topic. This time, we are referring to choices that YOU make for YOUR own well-being that don't necessarily get "approval" from others. Maybe for certain people, the fact that you practice a certain sport for example can be a reason to lose respect (any pole-dancers out there? Why mess with someone who can bend around a piece of metal to begin with?!) 

But here is the thing: those indicators that people use to judge you are actually not about you per se, they are about them. They are created by their own conditioning, insecurities, past experiences and so on.

So you might as well take a step back and not let it affect you as much because…

Not everyone is going to like you, so you might as well do you!

That can be a tough pill to swallow (yep, for us too): not everyone likes you. Even if you didn't do anything to them. 

Instead of trying to bend over backwards to please everyone, it is much better to surround yourself with people who support you and share the similar values you have. You will be much happier around them, you will build stronger connections, but most importantly, you will feel like yourself.

Embracing who you are is a must for your own happiness. You don't have the energy, room, or time, for people who disrespect you for being you. No one else but YOU is eligible to judge your choices and decisions. 

Don’t let people make you feel like your are worthless!

Your hobbies, education, sexual preferences, or any choices you make related to your appearance, you name it, should NOT affect your credibility.

We often hide or dismiss some aspects of our personalities in order to "fit in". We see it constantly in our industry since we photograph people in a way that can be seen "provocative" by (narrow-minded) traditional minds. Most of our clients are looking to regain confidence and want to feel sexy in their own skin. And some of them want to share their photos with the world as a way to stand up for themselves loud and clear.  Yet, a good 50% don’t dare to do so due to the fear of losing credibility with the people they love and appearing less professional with people from their work if they happen to see the photographs of their shoot.

Don't get us wrong, if you wish to keep your pictures (or any projects) just to yourself because it's part of your own journey, that's totally cool. But if you stop yourself from showing your photographs because you are afraid of what people would say, then you need to realize that you are not the problem. The people judging you are. 

We are strong believers that, if someone is trying to make you feel small and if you just don't give it any attention, try to defend or dismiss it, the "judger" will feel so damn ridiculous that they will end up giving themselves a taste of their own medicine. 

To give you an example, since we use ourselves for our boudoir advertising, we have heard some snarky comments about how "we are just posing naked online". By just saying "yeah, so what? I think I look damn good too!", we remove any possibility for a judgmental response.

You cannot shame someone who is confident in their choices. You cannot affect someone with your judgement if they don’t allowing it. Confidence is truly a super power my friends!

No one can fit in just one box and that is pretty neat! 

Back in the day, even maybe a decade ago, we were supposed to fit nicely in one category and stay in it. Nowadays, people can be so many things at once and it's such a great time to be alive. Thanks to this, we are removing pressure, and changing our standards and expectations.

We are even changing the definition of power by making it about standing up for ourselves and being open about it. We are kicking the stigmas back to oblivion.

Would it shock you if your lawyer had a passion for making macarons? No. What if your dentist was fond of doing trapeze? Would it change their qualifications? No. If anything, it would make them more approachable.

Embrace your unique-self and make your own contribution by being proud of who you are and what you do. It will serve those coming after you.

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The time we stopped dreaming big

Wanting to start your business usually means to have some dreams. Even more so when you are a creative as it is very likely you are linking your passion and your job together. That's what we did 7 years ago when we opened Scandaleuse. We had a plan, our heads were filled with dreams bigger than us. While we have accomplished some, we realized not too long ago that we unconsciously gave up on many in the process.

How the hell did it happen to begin with?

1) The pandemic.

This is definitely the biggest reason of it all. Everybody's world went upside down, and like many other businesses, we saw our work possibilities crumble and our future extremely uncertain.

The pandemic made us enter a survival mode: we couldn't actually work and we didn't know for how long. Once we got slightly out of it, starting to work some bigger dreams was completely out of the question: we had to recover from our losses and we had to do it fast. On top of it all, it's also left us with the reality that nothing is really that stable, and that's the perfect recipe to develop self-doubt.

2) Our ideas weren't doable to way we wanted to initially.

Back in the day, many of our big ideas were a lot more accessible. For example, getting a studio on our own was not that out of reach with the growth we have been having pre-pandemic. Since the inflation entered the chat, this idea started crawling away and instead of reshaping it and adapt it, we labeled it as "impossible” in our brain and we… ignored it. Until some feelings started creeping in…

The consequences on our well-being

It is pretty safe to assume that, if you don't work towards something bigger and more exciting than what you are currently doing, your mental health takes a hit.

Our productivity, our drive, our creativity and even the confidence in our ability went down. We were stagnating in our growth. But the worst was this small feeling of emptiness settling in our minds without us noticing. Then it grew bigger and bigger, leading us through one existential crisis after the other. What are we building and where are we going were the 2 key questions floating around. At some point, we had to face the fact: we just didn't allow ourselves to dream anymore and it needed to change.

How we got out of it: the mindset shift

The first step was to acknowledge and make peace with the reasons stated above. Then, we had to understand that we were thinking about some ideas backwards. The biggest one being that we needed to reach a certain amount of cash flow before executing bigger projects. Of course, you need to, to a certain extent, but the reasons above made us forget that you also need to invest money and take risks to… make money.

We also starting talking to our closest friends and loved ones. While we expected to have to deal with discouraging comments - mostly because we were giving them to ourselves - we were pleasantly surprised to hear than everybody was excited and positive. Even better, they gave us some options we didn't even think of.

Slowly, the fear barometer lowered and the confidence one increased. And the butterflies in our stomach have started to come back.

Now what?

We have decided to work on getting a proper space for Scandaleuse. It is truly outside of our comfort zone, but the feeling of excitement it gives us makes it worth it already. While it probably won’t be easy, we have no doubt that we will have a beautiful space ready to welcome all of you and host many more projects we have had in mind for years.

It is such a nice feeling to let yourself daydream about what you can do and we are strong believers in the fact that it is going to unblock some dormant energies we haven't seen in a while…

Thank you for following us in our entreprenarial journey. We cannot wait to share more with you!

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Let's talk about consent!

Guest post by Eden Wine - Mindset Consultant

 With the advent of the “Me Too” and “Times Up” era, we must learn the nuances of “Consent” so we can best equip ourselves to effectively navigate our relationships.

It’s time to create a clear definition of what consent means to us, and it’s important to:

• understand our rights when it comes to giving and receiving consent;

• solidify our true introspective understanding of our personal boundaries; and

• learn about and respect how to best support other people’s boundaries. 

HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE ALLOWED YOUR BOUNDARIES TO BE CROSSED FOR THE PURPOSE OF PLEASing OTHERS OR IN THE ATTEMPT OF “FEELING BEAUTIFUL”? WELL I HAVE.

When I was 14, I suddenly became well endowed in the derriere department. Now, given the location of this development, I was completely unaware of its existence. I only came to know about my “ass-et” because of my male peers. When walking down the hallway of my high school, adorned in a school uniform, I was consistently greeted by unsolicited slaps, grabs, and fondles. I wasn’t even able to acknowledge this new part of my body before it was claimed by others and objectified. Since this was one of the first experiences I had in my developing body, I was trained to think that this behaviour was acceptable.

As a young teen, I was quickly learning that it was okay for me to be caressed without consent. This, however, is not true.

We, as humans, have exclusive rights to our own bodies.

It is our fundamental obligation to define boundaries for ourselves and to feel comfortable and assured when voicing such boundaries. We are not owned by anyone and no one is entitled to us or any part of us. In fact, the right we have to our own bodies is grounded in and protected by law.

HOW ARE OUR RIGHTS PROTECTED?

The Constitutions and Criminal Codes of many (if not most) developed countries have specific and designated laws that are geared towards protecting the sanctity of consent. Now, I’m no expert in the laws of the world at large, but I know Canada very carefully preserves the notion of consent into its legislation and case law. For example, section 273.1(1) of the Canadian Criminal Code dictates that sexual activity is ONLY legal when both parties consent and where “voluntary agreement” is obtained. Both parties means BOTH parties. In fact, the “two to tango” phraseology has never been more apropos. Sure, there will be nuances in courting and dating when flirting plays a role though subliminal and subtle body language, but that does not dismiss the importance of ensuring that BOTH parties are consenting and, even more than that, consenting the WHOLE time. 

LET’S THINK ABOUT AND DEFINE OUR BOUNDARIES AND RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE’S BOUNDARIES TOO! #PlatinumRule 

Consent is truly grounding yourself in your beliefs and saying “yes” when an activity  (any activity really) feels right without a shadow of a doubt. This could apply to any sexual encounter or even as something as simple as a hug.

For all people alike, the onus is on us to:

• know and learn our boundaries;

• feel secure and confident in our ability to voice our boundaries; and,

• to inquire and respect other people’s boundaries. In the end, it is each of us who have exclusive rights to our own person and it is our obligation to protect such rights with the entirety of our being.

DISCLAIMER

Eden Wine is presently a non-practicing lawyer. She was called to the Ontario Bar in June 2018 and has since been a member of the Law Society of Ontario.

The content of this article is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal or other professional advice or an opinion of any kind. Readers of this article are advised to seek specific legal advice by contacting independent legal counsel regarding any specific legal issues. Neither the author, nor Scandaleuse Photography warrant or guarantee the quality, accuracy or completeness of any information in this article or on Scandaleuse Photography’s website. The content of this article is current as of the original date of publication, and should not be relied upon as accurate, timely, or fit for any particular purpose.

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Grief, rediscovering yourself and newfound confidence

Back in 2019, we met the fabulous Hallae for one of our boudoir shoot and we had the pleasure to shoot with her 2 more times :)… It is always nice to take pictures of the same Scandal over the years and see their transformation!

A few years ago, she was interviewed by She Does The City to talk about how the loss of her mother shattered her; and how, amidst the grieving process, she’s had to devote time to rediscover herself. Hallae is such a badass human being and today we are super happy to share this interview with you 😁

2019 - Hallae first boudoir shoot with us!

How would you describe your sexuality?

After my mom’s death and the breakup of a long-term relationship shortly afterwards, I didn’t feel sexual at all. But then I saw my body in some Knixwear photos and saw the comments, and that broke down one barrier: my body wasn’t something to be ashamed of.

But there was a second barrier: my sexuality had been put on hold for so long. That was until I allowed myself to take the improv route and say yes to whatever this new particular sexual partner suggested. I trusted him, and I was scared, but I was ready to say yes again.

And now, I may be well over 200 pounds, but I can’t help but feel like the sexiest woman in any room. I feel like I’m nineteen again, when I wasn’t afraid to try anything.

I may be almost thirty, but I’m back at the Stag Shop asking all the questions and buying that full-body fishnet stocking. In short, my sexuality can be described in one word: renewed.  

2021 - second fierce boudoir shoot :)

How did you feel at the beginning of the photo shoot?

To be honest, I had worked myself into quite the state prior to Juliette and Fanny’s arrival. The day before the shoot had actually been the two-year anniversary of my mom’s death, and part of the reason for having this the next day was to have a planned and almost concrete way to celebrate life. Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans.

However, I can’t express how quickly my anxiety dissipated when Juliette and Fanny entered my apartment. I had pulled a bunch of pieces of clothing I stared at blankly; they quickly identified three outfits. By the time I had changed, they had moved around pillows and chairs and tables, and all of a sudden my little apartment felt worthy of a photo shoot. And soon thereafter, they made me feel worthy of this photo shoot. They directed and displayed poses and had such a contagious energy. I was fully into it only a few clicks into the first outfit.

2022 - Third session. We asked Hallae what sensuality meant to her. This was the result!

What were you thinking about while it was happening? Did you have a particular mantra running through your head?

I didn’t have a particular mantra (besides “shoulders back, tits out”), but I was thinking of power.

I remember sitting on the floor in just a leotard and staring at the camera and having this moment where I felt so much more powerful than I had just a few moments earlier. Sometimes confidence is something that comes naturally, but sometimes we’re thrust into situations that force us to uncork that confidence.

It’s not always possible. But before the shoot I decided I was going to at least try, and I did. That was powerful for me.

What do you want to say to people who are currently lacking confidence, or feeling insecure when it comes to their body/sexuality? 

It would be easy to look at my photos and think, “Wow, she must be so comfortable in her body.” But now you know the truth. I was freaking out up until the moment the photographers walked through the door. Part of me believes that finding confidence in your body is sometimes consciously acting to find it. I’m not saying go out right now and take pictures in your underwear, but that’s one way to do it.

No one can convince you your body is beautiful without a bit of work on your part. (Though I’m still here to tell you: it is.) Have you seen it in a teddy yet? What about covered in sparkles? Drape your body in whatever your kink is. Then stare at it in the mirror, take photos of yourself, wear it on a date, wear it on a solo dinner. When that person comes up to you and tells you your body is beautiful, think about how hot you fucking looked, and agree with them.

Feel it. Own it.

That’s what I’m talking about when I say act consciously. Then fuck the shit out of them, with consent, of course :)

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